Monday, May 18, 2015

True Happiness

What do you think true Happiness is? True happiness to me is caring enough about myself to be healthy. For years I have put myself on hold, I put my needs last, and for the first time in a long time I decided that I mattered and was going to put myself first. I have to tell you I have never felt better. One month back at Fire House Fitness I have lost 15lbs of fat and gained 6lbs of muscle so a total loss of 9lbs. I am so super excited!! I love feeling this way!! I love being able to move and not be stiff.True Happiness is loving myself!
True Happiness is having kids that are moving forward!!! Doing great in life and are succeeding in what they are doing. Not having to force my kids into things, but allowing them to make decisions on their own and watching them succeed!! Watching them grow from little kids to adults!!
True Happiness is my life!! I have a wonderful life and have been greatly blessed!!

Monday, April 27, 2015

1st Child / 2nd Child

I don't know if any of you have experienced the same thing but I thought I would put it out there. I have noticed not with just my own kids, but with my siblings as well that the 1st child needs a lot of attention. I am not saying that is a bad thing, because I actually love it. But I do feel bad at times. I feel bad, because I wanted kids so bad that when I got pregnant with my oldest I was super excited! I started a journal that day and kept track of a everything he did. I have kept a journal with all my kids, but towards the 4th child it got less and less, kind of like scrap booking. But I feel like because I wanted this child so so bad and I Feel like he brought his dad and I together that sometimes I favor said child a little too much. I know I do!! I have always said that #1 child has a special place in my heart, and he always will no matter what. And this said child has put me through HELL, but still no matter what he does I am able to talk to him and rationalize with him and not be mad at him the rest of the day/week.
Why is it not that way with my #2 son. I beat myself up a lot when thinking about this. It is a problem. #2 son we had some problems with when he was 10, but since then this child is pretty stinking perfect. He doesn't cause us heart burn, we don't have to worry about who he is with and what they are doing. We don't have to worry if he is graduating. But for some reason I just can't get along with #2 son like I do #1. It haunts me. So I try and it just isn't like it is with the #1 son. I think to myself is it because I know he can do better than he is? When I say that I mean at home with his chores. Do I expect more because I know he will and can do it. But why don't I let him get away with not doing it like I do the #1son? Why is it so different?
I don't want to play favorites! and I feel like I do. But feel that I do it and don't even recognize it. I do feel like things are changing and that is because #2 son is doing good things. Things that we had always hoped that #1 son would do. #2 son was ordained and Elder yesterday, and it was amazing!! we had so many people over at our house to join in because #2 son has so many people that adore him. Some from our old ward and some from our new. It was truly amazing. #2 son is awaiting a mission call, and has truly become a different person since he started this process, and so have I.
 But in all the times I look back and analyze my relationship with #2 son the only thing that I can think of is that we didn't bond when he was a baby.  We had just moved in with my family due to problems with the pregnancy.  I had to have a C-section which I wasn't planning for. Afterwards I believe now that I got the baby blues. I was very depressed to the point where I was put on Zoloft, which only made things worse. I slept in everyday till noon, and my grandma and grandpa would get my boys up and feed , bath, and play with them till I got up. I didn't want much to do with them until finally with the hubby's help I took myself off the Zoloft and soon was back to my old self. But I missed out on those first few months. The thing that made us take me off the Zoloft was when I couldn't settle my own son down and he put his arms out for my mom instead of me. I hadn't bonded with him at all, and I believe that that is where my relationship started off on the wrong foot with #2 son.
But today I am over whelmed with love and happiness for #2 son. He is an amazing young man, and I am so proud of his decisions and the road that he is on. He has been such a great example to our family. I absolutely believe that who ever he meets on his mission will fall in love with him. He is amazing. I am so lucky that God blessed us with him.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Wonderful Experience

So Sunday Josh and I went in for our Temple recommends. This is the first time since we have lived here that we have met with one of the Stake Presidency. I met with President Zimmerman. Very sweet man. He asked me all the questions, and I answered them, as I was getting ready to leave he said to me." You know we are called of god? If God was sitting here today he would want me to tell you that he loves you, and that he is proud of you. That he is proud of  how you are raising his daughters. He knows it isn't easy, and he is proud of you. He would say Well done thou good and faithful servant." I just started to cry. Never in my life has any one said that to me. And I think because sometimes I feel like God forgets about me that it just really hit me hard. It was a wonderful experience.

Time for me

So for Three years now I have put myself on the back burner, really my whole married life. Once I became a mom I just forgot about myself. Yesterday I decided that I had to make time for myself. I decided to go back to FHF. My dear sweet friend from 25 years ago is going to personal train me for a while until I feel comfortable going in with all the skinny people from high school. I just didn't hang out with people in high school because I didn't care for drama, and I still feel that way. But I do want to get healthy. He kicked my butt good last night, but today I feel great!!
We are trying to decided if we want to take our kids to Hawaii, but I am not sure we are going to at this point. I want to use the money for personal training. I really just want to be healthy that is what is most important to me right now.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Time for my family

Today I had to make a decision between money, and being happy!!!  At the beginning of the year I opened myself a little LLC to help me with my taxes. I wanted to be able to claim things from babysitting that I normally don't do. The parents claim me, and for years I have reported what I have been making, but I wanted some write offs. So when I did this I took on 2 more full time day care kids. It seemed like a good thing, but the more and more I had these 2 things just didn't feel right. Finally today after having a week break I decided to call it quits. I hated doing it but I could tell it was needed. My kids and myself were so happy last week when I had a break that I just knew that I needed to do it.
I still have my one little buddy who is like my own, Cooper. He is a doll and his mom and I just hit it off. We grew up together so that helped but she respects me and I her. And well Cooper is an angel and so easy to work with. Everyone loves him.
So today I am so grateful to be able to make decisions based on Happiness and not money. I am so glad that Josh has always made enough money to keep me home and let me do what I want to. We went with out a lot when we were younger so that I could stay home with my kids and I am so grateful for that.
I am so excited to spend these next few months with Brandon before he leaves on his mission for 2 years. I can't tell you how proud I am of Bubba. He is a dream child!! I love him so much and I can't wait for him to write me home and tell how much he loves his mission. I am one proud Mama!!

Monday, March 23, 2015

A 1924 model

Many of you know that my grandma means the world to me. She is a great example of strength and enduring to the end. I get the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her, and have my whole life and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I have gotten to hear stories about her growing up, and how her and my grandpa met. I love the time that I get to spend with her. I wish she could see how much she means to me and how much I love her and how wonderful she is.
This Christmas she went out of her way to buy me a special jewelry box that's a music box too, and when you open it the song is You Are My Sunshine!! She made me cry, but she has referred to me as that since. She tells me all the time " You are my sunshine." and when I haven't made it down for a little bit she tells me that she misses her "Sunshine."
Lately she hasn't been feeling to red hot, and she isn't able to move around like she wishes she could. She wants to be out planting flowers and doing yard work. She wants to be able to do all her house work like she used to with out getting winded. She is 90 and still doing all her house work, not everyday like she used to but she still gets it done. She still cooks as well.
She means the world to me! I hate to see her in so much pain. I had to take her in to the dentist this Saturday because her tooth was killing her and she feels so bad taking mine and Josh's time on a Saturday, but what she doesn't understand is that we don't mind, and love spending the time with her. She has come to the conclusion that the reason she hasn't passed on is because she is here to help someone. But in the mean time this is her new saying. " I'm al old 1924 model! I functioning on one working head light, both bumpers are gone the upholstery is shot, it's wrinkled and there are spots that no matter how much or hard that I wash them they will not come off. The water pump and the exhaust work great, but the frame is bent. Other than that it's shot."
I love that she can still be happy and positive and make light of how she feels. I wish that the new models the 2000 models were made half as well as the 1924 model. I don't think they are made to last as long now days and work as hard.
I am grateful that my grandma is still here. I know that she wants to move on and be with my grandpa but I am so Thankful that my kids get to know and spend time with such a wonderful woman.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Letting the Spirit Lead

So Yesterday my visiting teachers came over. I have new ones and I love them. One is the Bishops wife and the other a really sweet lady. She has gone out of her way to make me feel like I belong in this ward.
we vista about everything! The lesson they gave really hit home. I haven't made friends up here because I just don't care to. I don't want to share my life story with people, I guess you could say I have a wall up.
But during the lesson yesterday I felt like sharing a tiny bit of my life with them. We talked about how god knows what we need every minute of every day. Even when we think he doesn't know us and doesn't pay attention to our needs he does. How we need to make sure we are listening. How we need to live our lives in such a way that we can hear him. We talked about how he can give you peace to make it through things that you normally can't.
Which brought up my issues that I had a couple of years ago. It seems weird say that. Time has flown by. It has been 2 years. But during that horrible trial in my life, I asked Heavenly Father to bless with me peace to get through it, and he did. I know that I couldn't have done it with out his help.  Sometimes its easy to forget when you dwell on the times you feel like he doesn't listen and help.
It really did me good to tell them that I knew exactly what they were talking about.
I know I am where I am, and that my relationship is what it is because Heavenly Father blessed me with peace, and I believe that that peace is still with me. When I see my old friend, or start having thoughts down that path he blesses me. He also blesses me with love. Because I have no hate in me. Which is big for me. I love that feeling. The feeling that I can love someone who hurt me worse than I have ever been hurt before.
I really feel like I am in a good place in my life. I am truly grateful for my trial and that I was able to  beat it and come out on top.
I am grateful everyday for my family. For the relationship that I have with my husband, I am grateful for the changes that have been made in our relationship, and that we are able to communicate better than we did. I am so grateful for my Children. They are my life and have been from the minute that I found out I was pregnant with my first.
I am grateful for all the people in my life who have influenced me in the way that I have raised my kids. Some have been great examples of things to do with my kids, and some on things I not to do.  Because of these examples my kids have turned out pretty dang good. Because of these examples I have learned that my children's trial do not define who they are, and no matter what they do I will always be there mom and I will always love them and be there for them to help them where I can and where they will let me.
Today life is good! God is great! and beer is good, no just kidding about the beer.