Just what the Devil wants!

Lately I have been feeling like God doesn't listen to me, or even care about me. It has made me quite negative and frankly I don't want to go to church or really have anything to do with it. I think it all stems from me having to put my dog down after pleading with God to make it not happen. To please let us keep our dog alive. This isn't the only time I have felt that he doesn't listen, there have many times that things I pray for don't happen.
Also lately I haven't understood why the hell I have had so many trials in my life! For once I would like to get a break for a few years!! I have a hard time believing that I chose to have all this stuff happen to me way back when. The things I went through as a little kid I just don't understand why!!
Any who I still went to church on Sunday and actually went to Sunday school. I wish that I wouldn't have. The lady started out by asking who here as been betrayed? Holy crap my mind started going on and on. and all the bad feelings that I felt when it happened came back!! I wanted to bawl!! She asked how many of us have forgiven people who have betrayed us? It made me feel good to go back and see how I handled my situation, but still I don't forget about what happened, I think about it all the time. I wonder if I would still be friends with said person, I wonder if my marriage would be where it is now? I wonder if I would still be in the Orchard First Ward, where I never wanted to move from!! So many things go through my mind all the time and then I just get mad!! Why does God feel like I need these trials in my life!! I can't even talk to Josh with out crying!! I hate feeling this way.
Josh tells me the reason these things are happening to me is because I am strong and that this is the path I chose!! I was a strong spirit and I knew I could do it!! I ask myself  WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!
I'm tired of feeling this way!! I would just like to forget what happened to us 2 years ago!! I hope someday I will be able to talk about it with out bitter feelings!! Or with out it making me feel bad!!
I know that this is how the Devil wants me to feel, I just wish I could kick this feeling for good. i do fine for a while and then Boom it hits again.