An argument

So today I got into it with my 17 year old. It wasn't bad but it got me thinking. He has gotten into this habit of thinking he can do and say what he pleases.  I would have to agree that at 17 my parents weren't telling me what I could and couldn't say, and I was pretty much on my own doing my own thing. I wasn't one to get into much trouble. So I asked myself where do you draw the line? During this lovely argument he flat out told me he would say what he wants, I can't tell him what to say. SOooooo I looked him in the eyes, raised my voice and punched the wall(which hurt my hand), and told him that as long as he lives in my house he will not swear at his siblings. When he is out of my house I have no control over what he says, but as long as he is in my house he will treat everyone in it with respect.
He then proceeded to tell me that I should beat my girls more often, because I let them get away with a ton more than I let him and Bubba. He said something about how I didn't raise him and Bubba like the girls, I raised them to respect people, which my girls do respect people. I have been struggling with some of the things that Josh has chosen to do and I looked at him and said Josh I didn't raise you to be like you are. I know it hurt him, but I didn't. I raised him so different than he is. The Josh I have seen over this last year has blown my mind. Sometimes I think gosh is that my kid? Not that I love him any less, because I don't. But the little boy I raised had manners, and respected property and had a clean mouth.
After all of this I ran across a poster I had to make when he turned 8, it had pictures on it from when he was first born to the age of 8. I showed him and said, this is the little boy I see.
I love this kid more than life its self. I would die for this kid. I just wish he knew how much he is ripping my heart out. He has done everything I warned him against. I see pain in his eyes where once I saw joy. I see a little boy that has grown up way to much. A boy that once felt like he could tackle the world to a young man who struggles to graduate.
I pray every night that God will show him his hand in his life. That he will turn out okay.That all the sleepless nights and arguments will be worth it in the end.
I am so glad for the relationship that I do have with Josh, and that he knows even though I don't hold back and I do speak my mind that I love him. I have always loved him and will always love him. He knows there is nothing he could do to make me not love him.