Being a parent

Oh man is it hard! Sometimes I wish they did make a book that told us exactly what to do. But then part of me is glad that they haven't because I am one to do the opposite. But my dear sweet father in law bought me The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven R Covey. I am not much of a reader but I am reading this book for him, so we can talk about it.
So today while I was reading I came across this story. It was his daughters Birthday and she had opened all her presents, and was sitting in the corner with them all around her. The kids at the party wanted her to share her new toys and she didn't want to.  He talks to her 3 times and each time gets more embarrassed because the other parents are watching her tell him NO. After the 3rd time he takes her toys and starts giving them to the kids to play with. He talks about how borrowing strength builds weakness . He then says" perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing."
But this paragraph hit me with the way that we have been dealing with things with our 16 year old. When he messes up we jump on the situation, and sometimes not maturely.But Steven R Covey says this "There are times to teach and times to not teach. When a relationship is strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived  as a form of judgement and rejection. But to take the child alone, quietly, when the relationship is good and to discuss the teaching or the value seems to have a much greater impact.
It made me think of all the conversations that I have had with my son, and the good ones are when I am calm, and have my head on straight. Once I have had a chance to think about the situation. Being calm has really helped me.