You know most people would be happy if they could be a stay at home mom, I like it, but not right now. I find myself sinking into this Big Black Hole, and can't seem to pull myself out.
All my kids are in school, so there for I am home all day. All day alone everyday. It gets lonely. I have found myself in a funk, and I don't want to hang out with anyone, don't care to make friends,or hang out with the few friends I do have. I don't care to do crafts or scrapbooking. It's just not me.
It has made me missrable, and also hasn't made my marriage very happy either.
I get frustrated because Josh works all the time. from sun up to sun down. It seems like he is home less and less, and I hate it. I used to come first, and now that is rare. Seems like his life is all about work, which I know has to be the case when you are running a company, but I hate it.I know that this is how my life is going to be uneless he gets a different job, which won't happen. His dream has always been to Own his dad's company some day. I couldn't live with myself if he gave that up becasue of me. Sometimes I just wish my life was different. I wish he was the one home nagging at the kids to do their homework and chores, and I was the one who worked.
I want a job, I have tried that, it seems like my kids fall apart when I do work, and they seem to need me all the time it made it impossible to work out side our home. I have babysat before, but I don't like to do that anymore. If I had a kid at home it would be different.
Maybe it just has something to do with Winter. Maybe when Spring gets here I will be Happier.
Sorry for the depressing post!! Just had to vent.
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