As I lay in bed thoughts keep running through my head. I can't turn my mind off. I am so frustrated and have know idea what to do or say. I just want to cry. It has gone as far as to getting up in fast and testimony meeting and telling some of you exactly how I feel. Not just the women, some of the men to.
You know I grew up in this ward, and now I hate even going to church. Every Sunday is a struggle for me.
I have never been one to let something get me down, I don't like to dwell on the negative, but I can't shake this. Its hard not to dwell when others do, and when they can find someone new to share things with. Some people say Heidi get over it! Well I am, and have been for 2 years. But I feel like I need to say this. and I have been holding this in for 2 years.
So I am just going to get this off my chest and then maybe I can sleep. For those of you who stick your nose up at me, and who have judged me and my family, I hope that your children never screw up. And if they do, I hope that they don't have to deal with a** holes like you. You have made my life hell. You have made me feel less than, and let me tell you that is not a fun feeling. I went from hanging out with the girls once a month to not being invited to anything. That is a GREAT feeling. I hope that some day you can experience it.
I have learned this, that no matter what my kids do I will always love them, I am all they have. I may not agree with what they have done, but I will always love them.
I am so grateful for my kids and for their spirits. I am grateful for a loving husband who has taught me to be positive. I do love my life. I am grateful for the relationship that I have with each and everyone of my kids. I am grateful for a Father In Heaven who loves me no matter what.
It's a good thing that I don't go to church for the people, heaven knows I wouldn't be going. I go to church first of all because of the way it makes me feel, Second of all because of its teachings. I know the church is true, and I know that the only one who should be judging me is God. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I can see why some people get so offended that they never come back. I hope that you all know how bad you have hurt me. I am so tired of pretending that things are good, because they haven't been for 2 years.
So now that I have told you how you have made me feel, I hope that a little part of you changes, and that you don't hurt someone else.
To those of you who are my friends, I love you. Thank you so much for always being there for me. For loving me for me, and loving my family. For helping me through the tuff times, and keeping me positive. I don't know what I would have done with out all of you. You are all wonderful women, and great examples to me. You will never know how you have touched my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
It's good to get things off your chest because that allows you to pick up and move forward and sometimes people need to know what they've done so that they can face it head on too. You're a great person and your experiences, and those of your family, will not only help you grow stronger but it will help you to help others and it will remind you of how others need to be treated - you're going to come out much better than those that are casting their stones. Hang in there - I love ya!
I love you Heidi!!! Always remember how much I cherish our friendship!!! Those ladies that have hurt you are not worth all the pain, there not real friends anyways! As for the people that are so judgemental towards Heidi and her family...Shame on you! Do you have whole in your hands and in your feet and a spear mark in your side? If you do, go ahead and judge, but if you dont. How dare you pass judgement, on anybody!!
I love you Heidi and Keep the faith in all you do!!
Post a Comment