A Mothers Love

I don't know why, but as I am sitting here today, while my kids are playing I have been thinking a lot about my childhood. My mom left when I was almost 3. She left three little kids. My self and my two older brothers. I often judge her, and wonder how on earth you could leave three beautiful babies. I still to this day have issues with that. I haven't had an easy life. I graduated in May of 1995, got married in August of 1995 and had a son in January of 1996, and another son in April of 1997. My husband had been in school for 10yrs. and we struggled through, never once did I ever think about leaving. We waited four years had a little girl and two years later had another one. All the while money has alway been tight. We moved in with my family a couple of times, and it was stressful, but never once did I ever think about walking away from my little kids.I wonder if she even realizes what she missed out on. I wonder if she knows how stressful it was on us kids, always wondering where she was, or what we did wrong, or wondering if she was dead. I just wonder what could have been so bad in her life that she couldn't have stayed and been a part of my life. Why did she have to wait until I was 18 to try to have a relationship with me. Even though my Dad worked all the time and was working on his new marriage, he did't leave. He stuck it out.
when I had my two boys so close I wondered if I was going to go crazy like my mom and leave. After I had Brandon I got depressed so bad and made my marriage suffer, But I never left. I love my children more than any thing in this world. I am so glad that I had my kids when I did. I am so proud of my kids and the people that they are becoming. I tell them all the time how smart, handsome, and beautiful they are.My girls are my princess and Angel. When I had my first daughter I was so excited to have that Mother Daughter relationship that I missed out on. I am so Greatful to have been blessed with four wonderful, loving, healthy, and smart children.

Heidi Sue