Many of you know that my grandma means the world to me. She is a great example of strength and enduring to the end. I get the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her, and have my whole life and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I have gotten to hear stories about her growing up, and how her and my grandpa met. I love the time that I get to spend with her. I wish she could see how much she means to me and how much I love her and how wonderful she is.
This Christmas she went out of her way to buy me a special jewelry box that's a music box too, and when you open it the song is You Are My Sunshine!! She made me cry, but she has referred to me as that since. She tells me all the time " You are my sunshine." and when I haven't made it down for a little bit she tells me that she misses her "Sunshine."
Lately she hasn't been feeling to red hot, and she isn't able to move around like she wishes she could. She wants to be out planting flowers and doing yard work. She wants to be able to do all her house work like she used to with out getting winded. She is 90 and still doing all her house work, not everyday like she used to but she still gets it done. She still cooks as well.
She means the world to me! I hate to see her in so much pain. I had to take her in to the dentist this Saturday because her tooth was killing her and she feels so bad taking mine and Josh's time on a Saturday, but what she doesn't understand is that we don't mind, and love spending the time with her. She has come to the conclusion that the reason she hasn't passed on is because she is here to help someone. But in the mean time this is her new saying. " I'm al old 1924 model! I functioning on one working head light, both bumpers are gone the upholstery is shot, it's wrinkled and there are spots that no matter how much or hard that I wash them they will not come off. The water pump and the exhaust work great, but the frame is bent. Other than that it's shot."
I love that she can still be happy and positive and make light of how she feels. I wish that the new models the 2000 models were made half as well as the 1924 model. I don't think they are made to last as long now days and work as hard.
I am grateful that my grandma is still here. I know that she wants to move on and be with my grandpa but I am so Thankful that my kids get to know and spend time with such a wonderful woman.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Letting the Spirit Lead
So Yesterday my visiting teachers came over. I have new ones and I love them. One is the Bishops wife and the other a really sweet lady. She has gone out of her way to make me feel like I belong in this ward.
we vista about everything! The lesson they gave really hit home. I haven't made friends up here because I just don't care to. I don't want to share my life story with people, I guess you could say I have a wall up.
But during the lesson yesterday I felt like sharing a tiny bit of my life with them. We talked about how god knows what we need every minute of every day. Even when we think he doesn't know us and doesn't pay attention to our needs he does. How we need to make sure we are listening. How we need to live our lives in such a way that we can hear him. We talked about how he can give you peace to make it through things that you normally can't.
Which brought up my issues that I had a couple of years ago. It seems weird say that. Time has flown by. It has been 2 years. But during that horrible trial in my life, I asked Heavenly Father to bless with me peace to get through it, and he did. I know that I couldn't have done it with out his help. Sometimes its easy to forget when you dwell on the times you feel like he doesn't listen and help.
It really did me good to tell them that I knew exactly what they were talking about.
I know I am where I am, and that my relationship is what it is because Heavenly Father blessed me with peace, and I believe that that peace is still with me. When I see my old friend, or start having thoughts down that path he blesses me. He also blesses me with love. Because I have no hate in me. Which is big for me. I love that feeling. The feeling that I can love someone who hurt me worse than I have ever been hurt before.
I really feel like I am in a good place in my life. I am truly grateful for my trial and that I was able to beat it and come out on top.
I am grateful everyday for my family. For the relationship that I have with my husband, I am grateful for the changes that have been made in our relationship, and that we are able to communicate better than we did. I am so grateful for my Children. They are my life and have been from the minute that I found out I was pregnant with my first.
I am grateful for all the people in my life who have influenced me in the way that I have raised my kids. Some have been great examples of things to do with my kids, and some on things I not to do. Because of these examples my kids have turned out pretty dang good. Because of these examples I have learned that my children's trial do not define who they are, and no matter what they do I will always be there mom and I will always love them and be there for them to help them where I can and where they will let me.
Today life is good! God is great! and beer is good, no just kidding about the beer.
we vista about everything! The lesson they gave really hit home. I haven't made friends up here because I just don't care to. I don't want to share my life story with people, I guess you could say I have a wall up.
But during the lesson yesterday I felt like sharing a tiny bit of my life with them. We talked about how god knows what we need every minute of every day. Even when we think he doesn't know us and doesn't pay attention to our needs he does. How we need to make sure we are listening. How we need to live our lives in such a way that we can hear him. We talked about how he can give you peace to make it through things that you normally can't.
Which brought up my issues that I had a couple of years ago. It seems weird say that. Time has flown by. It has been 2 years. But during that horrible trial in my life, I asked Heavenly Father to bless with me peace to get through it, and he did. I know that I couldn't have done it with out his help. Sometimes its easy to forget when you dwell on the times you feel like he doesn't listen and help.
It really did me good to tell them that I knew exactly what they were talking about.
I know I am where I am, and that my relationship is what it is because Heavenly Father blessed me with peace, and I believe that that peace is still with me. When I see my old friend, or start having thoughts down that path he blesses me. He also blesses me with love. Because I have no hate in me. Which is big for me. I love that feeling. The feeling that I can love someone who hurt me worse than I have ever been hurt before.
I really feel like I am in a good place in my life. I am truly grateful for my trial and that I was able to beat it and come out on top.
I am grateful everyday for my family. For the relationship that I have with my husband, I am grateful for the changes that have been made in our relationship, and that we are able to communicate better than we did. I am so grateful for my Children. They are my life and have been from the minute that I found out I was pregnant with my first.
I am grateful for all the people in my life who have influenced me in the way that I have raised my kids. Some have been great examples of things to do with my kids, and some on things I not to do. Because of these examples my kids have turned out pretty dang good. Because of these examples I have learned that my children's trial do not define who they are, and no matter what they do I will always be there mom and I will always love them and be there for them to help them where I can and where they will let me.
Today life is good! God is great! and beer is good, no just kidding about the beer.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Mixed feelings
Things have been going pretty good for our family. This year we have really been blessed with being able to pay all our debt off except our 2 houses. So I don't mind that Josh works from 7 to 7, and sometimes has to go out of town for multiple days. He is amazing at what he does, and the more work he brings in the better the company is.
Over the years I have become more relaxed, and am willing to deal with changes better than I did when he first started, as long as he puts his family first for the important things. However this last week hasn't been easy.
Josh has been working on a proposal to move a refinery from California to Pakistan. At first it started that they wouldn't have to go over to Pakistan. They were going to meet in Dubai, that made me nervous, but I was ok with it. Over the past week things have changed and now Josh and his dad have to go to the project site. Needless to say I am not happy. I have expressed my feelings. I don't care if it's a multi million job, It's not worth the chances of something happening to him and his dad. With them both going if something happens to them there will be no more company and my kids will be with out a dad.
SO we did a family fast yesterday. I am more calm about it, but still don't want him to go. But I know as well that if it's his time then it doesn't matter if he stays or goes, it's his time. I want to support him and he as full faith that God will watch over him. I want to have faith too but I have been let down a number of times so my faith is a little shaky. I know that Josh has been doing so good and doing all the things that he should that makes me feel better too. So please pray for him and his dad to be safe and to come home to their families.
Over the years I have become more relaxed, and am willing to deal with changes better than I did when he first started, as long as he puts his family first for the important things. However this last week hasn't been easy.
Josh has been working on a proposal to move a refinery from California to Pakistan. At first it started that they wouldn't have to go over to Pakistan. They were going to meet in Dubai, that made me nervous, but I was ok with it. Over the past week things have changed and now Josh and his dad have to go to the project site. Needless to say I am not happy. I have expressed my feelings. I don't care if it's a multi million job, It's not worth the chances of something happening to him and his dad. With them both going if something happens to them there will be no more company and my kids will be with out a dad.
SO we did a family fast yesterday. I am more calm about it, but still don't want him to go. But I know as well that if it's his time then it doesn't matter if he stays or goes, it's his time. I want to support him and he as full faith that God will watch over him. I want to have faith too but I have been let down a number of times so my faith is a little shaky. I know that Josh has been doing so good and doing all the things that he should that makes me feel better too. So please pray for him and his dad to be safe and to come home to their families.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Not on our time, but on Gods
It's not on our time, but on God's time. That phrase has been very frustrating to me in the past. But it is so true. I have learned over the past 2 years that God does listen it may just take a long time.
I know from my own experience that sometimes we stop our selves from getting the blessings that God wants to give us because of decisions we make or actions we do. For years I just couldn't understand why I struggled so bad with money, why I was so wilful about paying my tithing and going to church. Josh and I weren't growing we were stuck in a rut and not moving forward.
I can't even tell you all the blessings that we have received, but its because we have had to make major changes in our lives. Now we are in a place that we are able to receive the blessings that God has wanted to give us, because we are doing the things that we should be doing. I am so grateful for my life and for my trials. I read a quote I can't remember it all but it says something like it doesn't matter about how your life starts, it matters how you end your story. I took that as yes I may life may have started of rocky and tough, but it's going end great, and people will remember my name for the type of woman I was.
I know from my own experience that sometimes we stop our selves from getting the blessings that God wants to give us because of decisions we make or actions we do. For years I just couldn't understand why I struggled so bad with money, why I was so wilful about paying my tithing and going to church. Josh and I weren't growing we were stuck in a rut and not moving forward.
I can't even tell you all the blessings that we have received, but its because we have had to make major changes in our lives. Now we are in a place that we are able to receive the blessings that God has wanted to give us, because we are doing the things that we should be doing. I am so grateful for my life and for my trials. I read a quote I can't remember it all but it says something like it doesn't matter about how your life starts, it matters how you end your story. I took that as yes I may life may have started of rocky and tough, but it's going end great, and people will remember my name for the type of woman I was.
Loving my kids for who they are
Today I am just over whelmed with love for my kids. Every single one of them is perfect in my eyes. Each one of them have a special place in my heart ( I must have a big heart!). I love them all for different reasons.
Joshua
The light of my life. The baby I always wanted. I super excited when I found out I was pregnant with him even though I wasn't married. He has given me a run for my money and at times has blown me away with some of his decisions, but I adore him!! I am so proud of him and the choices that he has made, the road he is on. His road may not be the same as mine but that's ok. I love him for be honest with me.
The other day he chose to exercise his free agency which in the end made me laugh. Big Josh and I took him to lunch with us. We normally do that when he is working in town since he works at the family company now. It is nice to just spend time with him, since he is 18 and has a girlfriend we will take every chance we get to hang out with him. Anyways the waitress asked us what we would like to drink. We asked her what they had. She said coke products, water, coffee, and so on. Little Josh says "oh I'll take a coffee." I looked at him and said "What?! We don't drink coffee !!" He said " I do, I am paying for my own food today anyway." Alrighty then. So when his dad joined us I teased little Josh and said " he's pulling the I'm 18 card today he ordered himself a coffee. His dad just kind of grinned. So then we all place our orders and little Josh asks the waitress to put his on a separate ticket. We talk for a little bit, the food comes out. Every one is eating and talking half way done with his meal he looks at me and says" I just realized that my debit card is in my car." That made us laugh more.
I know some people reading this are probably saying oh my gosh she lets her kids drink coffee! Well I say to you if that's the worst thing he does I'm ok with that. Truly it doesn't matter what he does he has been through hell and pulled himself out I am proud of him. He may not go to church and do the things that we do, but he is a great kid and I am proud of him.
Love you Josh
Brandon / Bubba
The one that always makes me laugh. The baby I neglected as a infant due to depression. Our relationship started off rocky, but you mean the world to me. I can't picture my life with out you, my perfect little guy you are perfect in every way I can think of. You are loving, dependable, honest, funny, and willing to do anything for anyone. I am so proud of the hard worker you are and that you do 100%. I love that you are willing to help grandpa when ever he calls. I love that when I am having a bad day you are my friend and you always have my back. I love that you hang out with a good group of kids who have high standards. I love that I don't have to ever worry about what you are doing. I love that you love to hang out with dad and I. I also love that you tease me even when you make me mad I still love it!. You are the son every mom wants. I super excited to see what this year brings. Thanks for being so awesome.
Lili
You are my sunshine!! You make me happy everyday!! Looking at you always makes me smile. You are everything I dreamed of! You are more mature than most 18 year old girls. You are a hard worker, and you love little kids. You are so soft and sweet with them. You are going to be a great mom. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't Thank Heavenly Father for sending you to our home. I am so grateful that I had a daughter. I cherish every minute with you. I love our relationship. I hope that I don't over due it. I just want to be the mom I didn't have. I always want to be there for you to talk about everything with you. I am so glad that you feel like you can share your secrets with me, and that you don't hide things. I love your spunky attitude and that you say how you feel, even thought sometimes you may get in trouble. I love that you care for others and you don't like it when people are mean to others. I love that you look like me, and that you got my spicy attitude!! You are perfect don't change.
Mary
My sweet little angel! My little Mary Poppins Practically Perfect in Every Way!! My little animal lover. You have the biggest heart! You too are very mature for your age, but you still have the innocence of a child. You are just the sweetest girl I know. I love watching you grow. This year seems like you have grown up so much. I love that you like your brothers have pulled the wool over our eyes. By telling us that your good friend had pulled your chair out from under you and you hit your head on the desk behind you, only to find out after going to your friends house and talking to her dad, that you had done it to her the week before. I know you learned your lesson. You have to be honest because sooner or later the truth does come out. You can ask your older brother. I find out sooner or later, and sooner is always better. I love you so much. You are my best friend. My life wasn't complete until I had you.
I love you all so much and I am so proud of you. There is nothing that you could do to change that. You are my kids and I am here to help you when you need me. For advice, a hug, or just because you need to talk.
Love Mom
Joshua
The light of my life. The baby I always wanted. I super excited when I found out I was pregnant with him even though I wasn't married. He has given me a run for my money and at times has blown me away with some of his decisions, but I adore him!! I am so proud of him and the choices that he has made, the road he is on. His road may not be the same as mine but that's ok. I love him for be honest with me.
The other day he chose to exercise his free agency which in the end made me laugh. Big Josh and I took him to lunch with us. We normally do that when he is working in town since he works at the family company now. It is nice to just spend time with him, since he is 18 and has a girlfriend we will take every chance we get to hang out with him. Anyways the waitress asked us what we would like to drink. We asked her what they had. She said coke products, water, coffee, and so on. Little Josh says "oh I'll take a coffee." I looked at him and said "What?! We don't drink coffee !!" He said " I do, I am paying for my own food today anyway." Alrighty then. So when his dad joined us I teased little Josh and said " he's pulling the I'm 18 card today he ordered himself a coffee. His dad just kind of grinned. So then we all place our orders and little Josh asks the waitress to put his on a separate ticket. We talk for a little bit, the food comes out. Every one is eating and talking half way done with his meal he looks at me and says" I just realized that my debit card is in my car." That made us laugh more.
I know some people reading this are probably saying oh my gosh she lets her kids drink coffee! Well I say to you if that's the worst thing he does I'm ok with that. Truly it doesn't matter what he does he has been through hell and pulled himself out I am proud of him. He may not go to church and do the things that we do, but he is a great kid and I am proud of him.
Love you Josh
Brandon / Bubba
The one that always makes me laugh. The baby I neglected as a infant due to depression. Our relationship started off rocky, but you mean the world to me. I can't picture my life with out you, my perfect little guy you are perfect in every way I can think of. You are loving, dependable, honest, funny, and willing to do anything for anyone. I am so proud of the hard worker you are and that you do 100%. I love that you are willing to help grandpa when ever he calls. I love that when I am having a bad day you are my friend and you always have my back. I love that you hang out with a good group of kids who have high standards. I love that I don't have to ever worry about what you are doing. I love that you love to hang out with dad and I. I also love that you tease me even when you make me mad I still love it!. You are the son every mom wants. I super excited to see what this year brings. Thanks for being so awesome.
Lili
You are my sunshine!! You make me happy everyday!! Looking at you always makes me smile. You are everything I dreamed of! You are more mature than most 18 year old girls. You are a hard worker, and you love little kids. You are so soft and sweet with them. You are going to be a great mom. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't Thank Heavenly Father for sending you to our home. I am so grateful that I had a daughter. I cherish every minute with you. I love our relationship. I hope that I don't over due it. I just want to be the mom I didn't have. I always want to be there for you to talk about everything with you. I am so glad that you feel like you can share your secrets with me, and that you don't hide things. I love your spunky attitude and that you say how you feel, even thought sometimes you may get in trouble. I love that you care for others and you don't like it when people are mean to others. I love that you look like me, and that you got my spicy attitude!! You are perfect don't change.
Mary
My sweet little angel! My little Mary Poppins Practically Perfect in Every Way!! My little animal lover. You have the biggest heart! You too are very mature for your age, but you still have the innocence of a child. You are just the sweetest girl I know. I love watching you grow. This year seems like you have grown up so much. I love that you like your brothers have pulled the wool over our eyes. By telling us that your good friend had pulled your chair out from under you and you hit your head on the desk behind you, only to find out after going to your friends house and talking to her dad, that you had done it to her the week before. I know you learned your lesson. You have to be honest because sooner or later the truth does come out. You can ask your older brother. I find out sooner or later, and sooner is always better. I love you so much. You are my best friend. My life wasn't complete until I had you.
I love you all so much and I am so proud of you. There is nothing that you could do to change that. You are my kids and I am here to help you when you need me. For advice, a hug, or just because you need to talk.
Love Mom
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Bad childhood good life
That is a book that Josh got for me at a yard sale. I had laugh when I saw it. But I was intrigued to read it. Not that my childhood was horrible, but it wasn't the best either. In the first couple of pages it basically tells you to knock it off and move on with your life. It asks you if you're going to let every thing your parents did affect the rest of your life by dwelling on it ? Or are you going to buck up and have a good relationship with them now. I took that as not just parents, but siblings and grandparents as well.
I figure if you take that and apply it to your life you can put any one in that phrase. Friends, enemies, in-laws. For years I have always tired to live my life in a way that made me happy, and most the time what made me happy was forgiving those who had hurt me. Was it easy? NO! Was it worth it? YES!! I don't ever want to let what others do affect me. I want to be happy and the only way that I can do that is to love all those who hurt me. To give people a second chance. To trust even when it is hard.
Right now my girls struggle to like my birth mom because she moved away and doesn't ever ask to talk to them. But I have to explain to them that she doesn't even think about what she is or isn't doing, and that she is doing the best with what she has had. That's hard advice to give, because when my mom left this last time it hurt me. It made me mad and brought back all those feelings from when I was little and she left. But I couldn't let her decision to move affect me. She has her life and I have mine which includes my kids and husband.
I wish that others could take that advice. I get annoyed when I find out how immature people can be. I love my parents to death but while eating dinner at my brothers house I find that the real reason they changed their dogs name is because it was exactly the last name of my birth moms sister. It made me mad at first because is was said like I wasn't even in the room, I feel like sometimes I am made fun of behind my back because I have a relationship with my mom, but I just had to let it go. I just don't understand why people act that way. For those of you who know me I am not a hateful person!! I love everyone!! I may get upset for a little bit but I do let it go.
So my advice is don't let other people ruin your life! Don't let them make you mad, because in the end it doesn't help you. More than not you let them put you in a bad mood, and then you take it out on your husband or kids and where does that get you? no where! Brush it off so you can be happy and enjoy your life and being a spouse and a mom. Life is too short.
I figure if you take that and apply it to your life you can put any one in that phrase. Friends, enemies, in-laws. For years I have always tired to live my life in a way that made me happy, and most the time what made me happy was forgiving those who had hurt me. Was it easy? NO! Was it worth it? YES!! I don't ever want to let what others do affect me. I want to be happy and the only way that I can do that is to love all those who hurt me. To give people a second chance. To trust even when it is hard.
Right now my girls struggle to like my birth mom because she moved away and doesn't ever ask to talk to them. But I have to explain to them that she doesn't even think about what she is or isn't doing, and that she is doing the best with what she has had. That's hard advice to give, because when my mom left this last time it hurt me. It made me mad and brought back all those feelings from when I was little and she left. But I couldn't let her decision to move affect me. She has her life and I have mine which includes my kids and husband.
I wish that others could take that advice. I get annoyed when I find out how immature people can be. I love my parents to death but while eating dinner at my brothers house I find that the real reason they changed their dogs name is because it was exactly the last name of my birth moms sister. It made me mad at first because is was said like I wasn't even in the room, I feel like sometimes I am made fun of behind my back because I have a relationship with my mom, but I just had to let it go. I just don't understand why people act that way. For those of you who know me I am not a hateful person!! I love everyone!! I may get upset for a little bit but I do let it go.
So my advice is don't let other people ruin your life! Don't let them make you mad, because in the end it doesn't help you. More than not you let them put you in a bad mood, and then you take it out on your husband or kids and where does that get you? no where! Brush it off so you can be happy and enjoy your life and being a spouse and a mom. Life is too short.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
The grass isn't always greener
You know the saying " The grass isn't always green on the other side". well it's true!! Although I love, love, love, my new house, and my new neighbors, I miss my old ward!! I miss all the sweet real people that are my friends.
Most people don't understand that we needed to move to save our family, But I would have given anything to have stayed, except my family.
It kind of makes me mad when people will say " So how is it up on the hill?" or when they say to my kids " what are you doing on the west side?" The truth is we are doing great and I am sorry that you have let us moving affect our friendships. Just because we have moved doesn't mean our attitudes have changed. We are still as humble and loving as we were when we lived " On the west side."
Josh and I have always been laid back, non judgmental, and loving people. That will never change.
Life has been good to us. We are happy with our new home. The truth is that moving was the best thing that could have happened to us financially, Josh makes a good living , and we were comfortable living in our little house having a ton a debt. We were loving life. But when we moved it changed us. We are now debt free!! We only have our 2 houses, and it feels good. I know for a fact that we wouldn't have changed our life style if we wouldn't have moved. That part makes me the most happy.
So I am hopping that the next 6 months are better than the last and that we start making some good friends that will be around for awhile.
Most people don't understand that we needed to move to save our family, But I would have given anything to have stayed, except my family.
It kind of makes me mad when people will say " So how is it up on the hill?" or when they say to my kids " what are you doing on the west side?" The truth is we are doing great and I am sorry that you have let us moving affect our friendships. Just because we have moved doesn't mean our attitudes have changed. We are still as humble and loving as we were when we lived " On the west side."
Josh and I have always been laid back, non judgmental, and loving people. That will never change.
Life has been good to us. We are happy with our new home. The truth is that moving was the best thing that could have happened to us financially, Josh makes a good living , and we were comfortable living in our little house having a ton a debt. We were loving life. But when we moved it changed us. We are now debt free!! We only have our 2 houses, and it feels good. I know for a fact that we wouldn't have changed our life style if we wouldn't have moved. That part makes me the most happy.
So I am hopping that the next 6 months are better than the last and that we start making some good friends that will be around for awhile.
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